The Sims.

The Sims is one of those games that girls love because they can create their dream hunk, then create themselves, and make them marry, and boys love because they can create a mashed up family and set them on fire. The original Sims concept is pretty amazing, and the creators at one point must have had the amazing idea to create "expansion packs": a series of smaller, cheaper editions that add certain new abilities, gameplay options and furniture etc. Up to now, dozens of expansion packs have been created, for both the original and the sequel. There's the University one, the Nightlife one, the Business one, the Holiday one, the Party one and now, as my sister bought the other day, there's the Pets one. But when will the madness end? When will the creators of this game cease to churn out expansion pack after expansion pack? The whole premise of The Sims is that it's a life simulator, and yet there seem to be so many things that they have missed out. Here are some possible expansion packs that would make the game that whole inch better:

• The Sims 2: Rape edition. Currently you can only "woohoo", as the game calls it, with another consenting adult Sim. That doesn't make sense, does it? That's not what happens in real life. Your Sim should be able to select another Sim and choose "rape" at any given time, and some Sims will be better suited to it than others. For example, a Sim who's created with a beard and a trenchcoat will have a higher "rape" ability option than another Sim. There will even be the option for "medium frottage" or even a "quick grope". You can also set one Sim to be another's "stalker", where as you play the game, you sometimes see the stalking sim pop up from behind a bush or a large tree.
  


• The Sims 2: Drugs edition. Your Sims can take an array of various drugs, which they'll find and possibly get hooked on when you throw a party. Then you can use the phone to ring a dealer, or maybe just talk to one who stands outside your house. Different Sims have different addiction levels, and when they get to a certain level their health starts deteriorating and they must be sent to rehab for an uncertain amount of time. Sims who are richer are more likely do become addicted to coke, whilst the poorer ones will opt for heroin. The Sims can break into other Sims' houses in order to steal enough money for a fix, and can even get arrested. Actually, the more I think about this, the more amazing it sounds.


• The Sims 2: Fascism edition. Sims have hatred for various things. Some Sims may hate women; some may hate black people. If a black Sim tries to make friends with your racist Sim, your racist Sim will try his or her best to throw stones at him. You could also make a family where the man hates women and the woman hates confrontation, and then you can select the option of "domestic violence". This could also be coupled with "Drugs", and the Sim could have a fondness for Stella Artois and crack cocaine. Included with this pack will be extra household decorations such as Union Flags and Nazi propaganda posters, and the new "Hitler" and "String vest" clothing will be unlocked.


• The Sims 2: Milk edition. Lots of milk everywhere. Your Sims can now buy milk from a milk vendor, and milk is a new edition to the fridge options. Whilst Sims could formerly only be male or female, there is now a new third option: Milk. The wardrobe has been updated: 50 different milk costumes, and the families can throw milk parties where they shower each other with milk. If the Drugs expansion pack is installed, Sims can get addicted to milk and end up falling ill of milk poisoning.

Sims 2 developers, read this and learn. Maybe share the ideas around. I think we could make millions. Or get arrested. Millions or arrested. Either's good.